Broken

Something happened to me on Saturday night. Something that I have not been able to get past, or to stop thinking about. As you may or may not know, we are a family of Christians. I was baptized before Sophia was born, and then after her birth, Jacob, Sophia, and I were all baptized again, on the same day, at the same time. It was a beautiful ceremony and it brought us great peace. We love church. We like attending and seeing new people and old friends, we like the music, the sermon, the feeling of being in God's House. That feeling while you are there of complete and total love. We don't get to church as often as we would like. There are many reasons: Sophia is sick, we are tired from caring for her all night, it takes a small army to pack all of her stuff up, and then the worry of how she will deal with the noise, the music, the smells. But we had this beautiful week of vacation, and Jacob was off work Sunday so we decided Saturday night that we would attend church the next morning. I picked out Sophia's dress and hairbow. I chose my own outfit and laid it out. I asked Jacob what time church began and he said 11am. I thought 1130am. So I go to the church's webpage to be sure. This is where it all changed. 
I won't tell you the name of the church, we have attended several both in this town and in surrounding cities. The name of the church is so unimportant. The church webpage had a twitter feed, you know where a twitter account has their tweets posted on the page to give information. The first twitter feed was a tweet about the service on Sunday, about learning more about the Bible. The second tweet listed the two people that would be leading the service that Sunday. Now, my first thought, disappointment because I love our regular pastor. The tweet provided a link to each of those people's twitter accounts. I clicked the first one to learn more about that person. He was in college and had a few tweets about nothing of significance, at least to me. I clicked on the second persons twitter feed. Shock. Disbelief. I thought someone has incorrectly linked this person to the church webpage. I bring it to Jacob and ask him to make sure I am seeing this correctly. I am not the most savvy with technology and he is. He said that I am seeing the right person and we knew for sure, because other church members and leaders were listed as "following" this persons twitter account. As I read through the tweets, I felt sick, angry, disgusted. "I like my women like I like my coffee...from a third world country and reasonably priced", "As a cannibal, I try to eat as many gays and retards as possible, helps me get my five fruits and vegetables a day", "Last week my girlfriend was in a car accident and now has to spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair...or should I say ex girlfriend", "Some freak decided to write retard on my car window...took me an hour to lick it off", "I'm going to write a horror book in braille, and there will be a razor blade at the end", "rape is such a strong word, I prefer snuggle struggle." 
And there are more and more like this. I am disgusted and my heart is hurt. This is a person on the worship team at the church? Really? I actually messaged this person and he and I had a discussion today. He felt that it was just a sense of humor, apparently that I don't have one, and that I shouldnt have read the twitter feed. I explained that when it is linked to the church webpage, it stands to reason that it will be read. I did not go looking for it, it was on the webpage! He said that he is not perfect and that I should stop pretending to be perfect. I explained that I am far from perfect but making fun of people is not right and it is hurtful. I told him about my daughter, about sweet Sophia. At that point, he knew who I was and who Sophia was, because the church has prayed for her many times before, Sophia has been on stage there before, Sophia has been preached about by the pastor. He said he was sorry if his statements were hurtful and he would be more conscious in the future. I asked him to remember Sophia's name and in the future, when he felt that making fun of others was funny, that he think of Sophia and know that she is the one he is making fun of. Someone who already has such a hard life, someone who cannot stand up for herself. He said that he is 17 and trying to become a better person. I told him that even at 17, he knows the difference between right and wrong. We ended the conversation by him stating that he had apologized and that was all he could do, and that he would be praying for Sophia. I told him that I will not be back to the church, and that I too will be praying for him.
I realized that God has once again used Sophia to touch another. I hope that this young man will heed to his word and that he has learned something. Maybe that was God's intent, maybe He had a plan for me to read the tweets and confront this young man. But now, I am left with this hollow place in my stomach. I am sickened by this young man who should know better and I am saddened that he has taken away my church family. I don't feel that I can return there now. When the church leaders follow this man's twitter account, and do not address it with him, and do not teach him better, and he is on the worship leadership team, I feel that it is condoning the behavior, the statements, the thoughts and ideas. I can't be around that, and whats more, I won't allow Sophia around that. Thank God that she is unaware of such cruelty and hate. That she knows nothing of racist, prejudiced, homophobic people. And I am praying that this young man turn his life around, and I am praying for a new church family, and for peace in my heart, mind, and soul. Because at this very moment, my heart is hurt. 

17 comments:

  1. Wow. That is really sad that this person is supposed to be leading people to God and is acting this way. I agree with you. The leaders following his account should have already addressed the issue.

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  2. I lost my church because they didn't except me with my daughter. I needed to change her diaper one Sunday and was not allowed in the children's nursery because I didn't have a background check to enter the nursery. All we needed was a carpeted area to lay down a blanket to change her. Every adult in the nursery new who I was and my daughter. This was the same church I attended all my life and even ran the church nursery and children's church but now I couldn't change my disabled child because I didn't have background check to enter. The same day I was told I couldn't sing in the church choir because I didn't have $200 to pay for the robe. I never felt such heart ache in my life. A place I considered family and a safe was too high tech for my life.

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    1. That's churches for ya'. I don't go to church for reasons exactly like that, some people would give their last dollar only to be told things like that. Jesus doesn't care if the robe your wearing to praise his names costs 5$ or 50$ things like that give religion a bad rap. I hope you found a place that you can have peace and solitude while praising The Lord.

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  3. Thank you for making your stand on his unacceptable behavior, many times people will just turn their heads in denial. God loves you and your family in such a special way, keep your faith and refuse to allow "one" to keep you away from God's house. Love to you, Margaret Revelett-Bullock

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  4. Wow. I applaud you and your family for taking a stand. I am a new Intervention Specialist and cringe when people say inappropriate comments. We pray for your family and your daughter.

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  5. I am speehless but the devil is everywhere. I am so very sorry you had to see that but I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. God sent you there for a reason. If you want to see a hypocrite just look at the front row! Its your time to run to another church. I would have to show it to the church board before making a move. A church is not defined by one stupid teenager. But I know the safety of your church has been robbed from you. And that breaks my heart.

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  6. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with stuff like this, when you were looking for peace, comfort, family :-( but I agree with Margaret above, don't let this one young man, (who obviously has much to learn!!) keep you from your family, a community who have loved and supported you in the past. For different reasons, I cut myself off from church for almost 6 years, a few years ago and its a decision I really regret now...I missed out on healing and family and support at a time when I and my children really needed it. I will be praying for you, your hubby and Sophia, the young man and also the leadership team of your church. With lots of love and big hugs, Angela xx

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  7. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with stuff like this, when you were looking for peace, comfort, family :-( but I agree with Margaret above, don't let this one young man, (who obviously has much to learn!!) keep you from your family, a community who have loved and supported you in the past. For different reasons, I cut myself off from church for almost 6 years, a few years ago and its a decision I really regret now...I missed out on healing and family and support at a time when I and my children really needed it. I will be praying for you, your hubby and Sophia, the young man and also the leadership team of your church. With lots of love and big hugs, Angela xx

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  8. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with stuff like this, when you were looking for peace, comfort, family :-( but I agree with Margaret above, don't let this one young man, (who obviously has much to learn!!) keep you from your family, a community who have loved and supported you in the past. For different reasons, I cut myself off from church for almost 6 years, a few years ago and its a decision I really regret now...I missed out on healing and family and support at a time when I and my children really needed it. I will be praying for you, your hubby and Sophia, the young man and also the leadership team of your church. With lots of love and big hugs, Angela xx

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  9. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with stuff like this, when you were looking for peace, comfort, family :-( but I agree with Margaret above, don't let this one young man, (who obviously has much to learn!!) keep you from your family, a community who have loved and supported you in the past. For different reasons, I cut myself off from church for almost 6 years, a few years ago and its a decision I really regret now...I missed out on healing and family and support at a time when I and my children really needed it. I will be praying for you, your hubby and Sophia, the young man and also the leadership team of your church. With lots of love and big hugs, Angela xx

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  10. My heart hurts for you! As the mother of a special needs child who looks but is not her age, I know some of what you must go through. I am so thankful that my daughter doesn't seem to see the hateful looks or to hear the snide comments made about her. I too am a Christian, and I am surprised by the actions of those who are supposed to be the 'leaders' in the church.

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  11. I'm so sorry you have to deal with garbage like this i have a great-nephew who was born with problems he is 18 yrs old and has the mental status of a three year old,god bless these kids,big hugs to you

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  12. I completely agree that your church leaders should have done something well before now. You've got so much on your plate already, but if you've not done so, you might consider bringing it to the attention of your lead pastor. You shouldn't have to lose your church over the senseless actions of another. It's your pastor's job to lead both you & that unfortunate kid thru this. Praying for you and yours.

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  13. That is very sad indeed! This man should not be in leadership and if the church leadership allows this to go on without removing him and reprimanding him then they too should not be in the position of leading a church. Shame!

    You find yourself a good, Scriptural church and be thankful God showed you the heart of this church. I'm so sorry that it tainted you to feeling sick, but, unfortunately, that is just how sin is; sickening.

    Praying for you hon and that Father will lead you to a church that worships Him.

    <><

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  14. I'm non-tecchnological (is that a word?) I don't twitter, this is my first blog reply etc.
    Somebody needs to talk to higher-ups at that church, and point out the things that are on that young man's blog!!!! That is awful and needs to be removed from link to the chruch website, and he needs to remove from worship team and be counselled and mentored by someone much wiser than his own mind.
    Don't let one bad apple ruin the whole barrel. If his behaviour contaminates the whole church that is sad indeed.

    When we encounter one bad person in the church we as teh church family need to help clean it up. Don't just walk away. I left a church because of something siilar and to this day (*MANY years later) I still regret leaving. I lost my support circle and I really needed them at that time and since. God bless you and your swweet angel Sophia.

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  15. Sweet Sophia's Mom,your daughter is a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father and so are you. In my life when I go to God in prayer he answers! I know he will answer you if you ask which church to attend. I wish you the best, what a beautiful little family you have. Karrie

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  16. you were 100% right to speak your mind to this chap, every single comment you have shared from his twitter account is inappropriate for a christian to post, it mocks people from all points of humanity, and shows utmost disrespect for women, for the poor and the weak, there is NO humour about poor and weak, I'm pretty disgusted and would stay well away from a church that allows someone like that to preach, if he has absolutely no conviction about the lack of humour in his comments there is something not quite right there. good on you to approach him!

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