My angel
There are times when I am strong. When I can remember to thank God for all He has done, all the miracles He has shown me. When I can tell my husband not to cry, because Sophia is here with us now, we haven't lost her yet. And then there are times, like tonight, when I can't pretend. I can't pretend that life is beautiful and wonderful or just as it should be. I can't make myself forget that one day, in the near future, I will have to say goodbye to my angel. That I will no longer be able to smell her breath, hear her sighs as she falls to sleep, catch her sweet smile first thing in the morning. I won't be able to snuggle her so close, completely forgetting that there is a world out there, and just look into her beautiful eyes. I won't be able to whisper in her ear, telling her that I love her more than life, more than words, just more than. How will I continue on when she has left me? Will my arms stop working when I no longer have the weight of my baby to support? Will my ears stop hearing, my eyes stop seeing because I won't need them anymore? Will I be able to face the sunshine, the chirping birds, blooming flowers, and smiling mothers with their healthy children? I think I will mourn forever. I think I'll give up on life. Yes, that sounds lovely. I think I'll become so bitter that God will agree that I should no longer taint this Earth with my resentment, and He will carry me up to see my angel. For without her, there is no me.
I am reading this with tears running down my face with a cry in my chest which rises into my throat that hurts, Some times I don't know how you can possiably go on. There will be a whole in your heart for her loss. But somehow someway
ReplyDeleteGod will give you the grace, wisdom, peace and love to make it though what we know will be coming. We are weak but God is strong and he will get you through this time. Yes you will mourn forever but life will go on and the boys will alawys need you. Jacob will need you. And your family needs you. You have so
much to give to other people after going through this that God has a plan for you and Jacob and Sophia was part of the plan and what comes along with that plan will be rest of your lifes.
To not take things for granted,show love and compansion for others.Because these are the things Sophia has taught you. You will be able to show others. Oh you will mourn and it will be terrible
And we will mourn with you. But one day when God is ready you will see Sophia again and she will be beautiful, healthy and laughing, she will run into your arms and say Mommy and it will be wonderful . Mamaw
Jaime, I read this earlier and cried while I read it. I hurt for you so much. I tried to think of the right words to give you but I couldn't think of any so I said nothing. But your Mamaw has found and said the exact right words. Everything she said is absolutely the truth. I am praying for you and I love you.
ReplyDeleteYou can go on and you will go on by the grace of God, and by knowing that going on with your life is how Sophia would what you to be. God put your little angel in your life for a reason it was no mistake she will still bless you and make you smile even after she is God's little angel. 14 years ago we lost our little 3 month old grandson Logan, we all thought we would never smile, laugh, be happy again and even tho it took a long long time, now everytime we think of Logan or talk about Logan we laugh, smile and are happy he was with us for such a short time. God bless you I am a friend of Kathy's and I keep up with little Sophia by her. My prayers are for Sophia, and for her Mommy and Daddy and family as well.
ReplyDeleteJaime, you know I'm not good with words. But I wanted to let you know my heart breaks for you and Jacob. I'm always here for you. Sophia has changed so many lives. Made us stop and think about other people. I know she has me. Every time I watch one of her videos I always smile, even laugh. That's hard to do these days. Our time at the playground will always be special to me. I love you
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